the great disposable

since i was in funk for a while, there were some entertaining things (well, i thought they were entertaining) that i didn’t get to share.

-in honor of our playoff game tonight-

I’ve had the privilege of being able to play in a WB softball league for the past 6 or 7 weeks. Our team, PO’d (Purchased Order’d) is made up of Malpaso employees and WB accounting.

The malpaso crew is a new addition to the accounting team that started playing last year. To better put things in perspective, last year that team won only one game, and that was due to a forfeit.

This year however, the team is 6-1. And there were two players on the team batting 1000.

That’s hitting em all folks.

So who was it? Oh yeah, me and another dude.

But now I have to tell you the awesome part.

The last game of the season, we’re playing an easy team. I’m batting a 1000. I don’t try to bring it up because I feel like I’ll jinx it (even though I really don’t believe in luck and karma, etc.) and I get up to bat.

Two games before I hit a pop fly and it was caught, but a runner on third tagged up and scored. And that counts as a hit.

So I’m up to bat. The first pitch. Whammo. Grounder to short…who happens to be (what seems to be) the best short stop in the world.

Thrown out at first.

And there went the 1000. doh.

To add insult to injury, my next at bat was the same thing.

Awesome story huh?

In case you are wondering, the other guy finished the season 1000.

go figure.

No really, go figure. No figure something out, or figure some odds, or figure statistics.

…my sweet tooth?

I won’t try to claim that I have the worst one, but it is certainly disobedient.

I had the privilege of going to the Lakers/Sonics game last night.

Ahem…box seats.

It was really nice, the seats were great, the food was great, there was some guy named Kobe running around shooting something called hoops…and then there were the desserts.

After half time, a great man came by with a great cart. On the great cart were some of the most wonderful things the eyes of my stomach had ever seen. But in order to get those things, money had to be involved.

Money…always getting in the way of having the good things in life…

Fortunately, the men who owned the box were there to make everybody happy. Too bad me, being somewhat courteous, couldn’t just take it all.

So I looked for the single most bestest thing I could find.

M&M’s – no
Standard apple pie-nope
Carrot cake- what an insult
Snickers pie-yes
Tiramisu- no
Dreamsicle cheesecake-holy…

This would be the same thing as the orange flavored ice-cream bar with a vanilla creme filling.

Now came the dilemma. How do I get both the snickers pie and the dreamsicle cheesecake and not get busted by the guy paying for it.

It’s moments like these were I know I was born a leader.

I grabbed a friend of mine, who was in the middle of a conversation, who hadn’t gotten any dessert yet.

Me, “you want the dreamsicle cheesecake.”
Him, “what? What is it?”
Me “tell the man you want the dreamsicle cheesecake.”
Him, “but I was going to get the apple pie.”
Me, “ you’re getting that one, it’s the DREAMSICLE CHEESECAKE. I’m getting the snicker pie, we’ll share.”

Yes, I made the guy get the cheesecake, but this was a dire situation. I had never seen or heard of such a cheesecake and I couldn’t let the opportunity escape me. I also had to get the snickers pie as a back up in case the cheesecake sucked.

He brought the cheesecake back to his conversation and i made him eat the first bite, then i destroyed it after that.

i finished it and started on the snickers pie, and that was all the good times of this story.

I need to end this story and get to the point. Here’s how I graded the desserts.

Snickers Pie: A-
Dreamsicle Cheesecake: B+
Caramel fudge brownie: B

Hahaha, so I ate somebody else’s dessert too. It’s ok, in the end everybody was fine with me hogging all their food.

Everybody except my stomach. Man was I sick for the rest of the night, but I don’t think about the future when it comes to desserts.

ever felt like you’ve taken a really long vacation, except, once you get there, you realize it ain’t no vacation and you’re going to be stuck at your destination for a really long time?

or…

ever been shipwrecked? to the point where sand sounds delicious?

this current job has been mostly that. a tunnel with no light. not to depress anyone, but more of sorry excuse for non-bloggation for the past 3 months. I’d rather not blog and lose my audience, than have them read and want to shoot themselves.

so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

and i can finally peek out of the pile of muck that is over me and blog again. I have about 3 weeks left and more time on my hands.

in other news, i bought a plane ticket to be home from the 24th to the 31st.

now, go out and stop wasting your time here.

that every job you have, no matter what, there is always that person that you can’t stand?

it never fails. there is always going to be someone who bugs you.

is there some sort of requirement that there should be one annoying person hired for every five normal people?

i was too lazy to go back and see what i wrote last year, but i’m pretty sure i talked about my grandmother’s birthday being today. then i bet i followed it by saying some smart aleck remark about it being even more important than that.

so in case you did’t know, today is a monumental day. it is the birthday of the great Mama Jean.

she who slayed a beast in the winter to save the starving family,

who shielded her young from the dragon’s fire,

who, wait, this is making her sound really old….

mmmm,

oh well, she ain’t reading this anyway.)

in other news, it’s my birthday too.

woo hoo, way to go me.

not that i love it or anything, but the NFL gives me an early birthday present every year. (yeah, my birthday is tomorrow, you’ll hear about it then.)

Colts vs. Saints, i could care less who wins because it’s going to be an awesome game, and both teams will probably be in the playoffs. so if they play another time, it will mean something.

i know this isn’t a tuesday post, but i’ll count it as the kickoff to my football blogging.

ok, this is a really boring, go outside and throw a football.

Getting off work early to go to a baseball game…

…30 minutes in traffic

Preferred parking at Dodger’s stadium…

…25 dollars

Getting VIP access and ridiculous seats…

…400 bucks (a piece)

Eating from a buffet of steak, turkey, grilled vegetables, and tons of other food…

…a big belly

grabbing a refillable bag of peanuts, then proceeding to eat nachos with cheese, sour cream, chilli, salsa, and guacamole…

…an even bigger belly

not knowing when to stop, and eating a cannoli, pecan pie, and a cup of ice cream…

…a humongous belly

sitting behind tommy lasorda and not getting hit in the face by a foul ball…

…keeping my pretty face

getting away with all of this nonsense for free…

…priceless

…for a picture from a friend and i’ll have you eager readers another post.

meanwhile, while you’re waiting in the lobby, please feel free to read our periodicals and health brochures that have been shredded to pieces by infant maniacs.

blow

your

#$@%

nose!

it’s really hard for me to concentrate on my work when you’re sitting across from me sounding like you are suffering from asthma (or impersonating a Predator). plus, somehow (and i don’t understand acoustics) it projects every noise you make.

on a side note, if you’re someone who can’t control your belching (which is possible…if you ever tried) don’t do it and then blow it all out. a. it’s gross, b. i don’t want it in my face and c. it doesn’t work well with your megaphone mouth.

now go practice something productive. like not gulping.

i think i’ll start a recurring segment every tuesday that discusses my pains and joys of football (mainly fantasy football).

it will bore you, but it will give me something to talk about.